When Someone Attacks Your Character
A few weeks ago, my husband and I had a BAD week. It was so bad, I began to wonder if cameras were rolling, in an attempt to catch juicy footage for some new reality television show. After a long day at the office, I arrived home to a letter, where my name was handwritten. The problem was, there was no return address. That is never a good sign. I should have immediately disposed of the letter, but my curiosity got the best of me, and I tore open the envelope. The contents of the letter contained four pages of single spaced, typewritten words that proceeded to attack our character.
Each paragraph brought tears to my eyes, and anger to my heart. Not only did this person attack my character, but they assaulted my husband’s character as well. That is where I draw the line. You mess with my husband, and that is a whole new level of anger.
I put the letter down, then picked it up again (that was not wise). The letter started out with a, “please hear my heart. I am not trying to judge.” Then hurled judgment after judgment. Scriptures were used by the person to make their case.
Let me side bar.
I have a minor in Bible. I was taught by some of the brightest and most brilliant professors, who harped on the importance of handling Scripture with respect and in context. When someone pulls a Scripture out of context for their own personal gain, it makes my skin crawl.
Back to the reality TV story..
What followed was more judgment and accusations of “hypocrites like us,” and why this person no longer attends church. Yes, because of “hypocrites like us.”
“Good gravy. This person hates our guts,” I told my husband. Then, we started formulating our defense. Oh, and it was good. Let the TV cameras roll now because we were ready to attack back, against each and every judgment, scripture and accusation.
I wrestled all night, tossed and turned, and reasoned the letter up one side and down the other side. I cried. I cried a lot...
As I analyzed every part of the letter, I realized a common theme. Each accusation proclaimed by this person was, hearsay. Another words, this person had never witnessed for themselves, the things they accused us of, in the letter. They had only heard of our wrongdoings and formed their own judgments.
Like most of you, I try to live my life above reproach. I am not perfect and make plenty of mistakes, but I diligently try to live out my faith, work hard, and treat others with respect and kindness.
The next morning, I prayed and prayed and prayed. Honestly, I have never received such a letter. I was at a loss on how one should respond to such hatred. I read the Scriptures on how we should handle conflict. Matthew 18:15-17 is pretty clear about handling conflict. It does not tell us to type a letter, send an email, write a text, or put something on Facebook. Nope. The Bible tells us to go to the person who has offended us and talk to them. Not only is this method Biblical, but it is respectful. There is nothing respectful or courageous about sending someone a letter, and not offering to meet them in person to discuss the issues.
My husband and I gently asked the person who sent the letter if we could meet to discuss the offenses they had against us. (Matthew 18:15). Guess what? This person declined. Again, we received more clarity. A defense was not necessary, nor warranted.
My husband and I were accused of being the ultimate hypocrites and very “Un-Christ Like.” Boy, does that hurt…As he and I prayed together, we realized that it is more Christ-Like to choose not to hurl angry accusations back. We chose not to defend ourselves. Now, each morning, we pray for this person, which is not easy. Praying for people who attack you somehow brings peace and healing to your heart. (It is one of those really cool, “peace that passes all understanding,” concepts).
So, if someone attacks your character and does so, through any means other than face to face, let it go. Be angry. Cry. Pray. Offer to meet with them. If they decline, move on. Let the reality TV show drama, go somewhere else.
